Unfortunate.

Well, toastyfriends, I promised both content and relevant pictures, and you'll get them... eventually.  While I was writing and illustrating several posts, my ability to access my former college's facilities--including their lovely, lovely scanners--expired, so I'm currently without the means to import drawings.  I'm also in the long, arduous process of finding a job and keeping my apartment from falling into disrepair.

In light of said obstacles, the blog is going to be on a brief hiatus.  Instead of posting what little I have, I'd rather wait for scanning capabilities and take the time to put together posts that might actually be good.

Keep an eye out, though--as soon as the blog is back in business, there won't be any shortage of posts for a good long while.

Mr. Pither Comes to Visit/Pithku

The crew's been on something of a crossword kick, to the point that we've started trying to make our own.  Pither got to brainstorming on the fridge, aided occasionally by F-Gumps, and the result was a greater pile o' poetry than any drunken lyricism can contend with--thus far. 

Haiku 1-- On the Subject of Relationships

Haiku 2-- On the Subject of Sharing

Haiku 3-- On the Subject of Bodily Functions

... Sounds like someone didn't avoid those drunk drunkard ladies.

Mr. Pither Comes to Visit/Sketti Tacos

We at Toast Patrol HQ love us some young-adult television programming-- such as iCarly, a show that features delightful hijinks and a whimsical dish known as Spaghetti Tacos.  In the spirit of inquiry--and a moment of hunger--we tried making our own.  You can find the recipe over here at my food blog.  Go!  Go now!

Mr. Pither Comes to Visit/Drunken Haiku

Esteemed contributor Pither is visiting me and F-Gumpty for two fun-filled weeks of shenanigans.  On a largely related note, the combination of the Toast Patrol crowd, alcohol, and a fridge-faceful of Shakespearean magnetic poetry pieces resulted in a new segment: Drunken Haiku!

The rules are simple--do a few shots, then construct a meaningful expression in the 5-7-5 syllabic pattern without plundering any existing fridge-poems for words.

See?  Literary.

Haiku 1:  In which hos are given precedence over bros

Haiku 2: In which hos exhibit bro-like qualities

Haiku 3: In which hos cannot handle their libations, and have subsequently misbehaved 

With the Toast Patrol assembled, look for plenty of toasty content over the next two weeks.  In the meantime... beware those drunk drunkard ladies.

Blog New.0

For anyone who's been actively following posts for the last month or two (I know you're out there... show yourself!), I need hardly mention that (a) I haven't been posting much, and (b) the blog has been in a rather awkward, almost pubescent phase.  Well, no longer!  I give you the new and improved, extra-super-toasty Blog 2.0-- The Insomniac Book Club!

As the title implies, I'll still be focusing largely on literature, and my unbiased [aHEM hack cough splutter] opinions on the matter.  However, all books and no play make the Impster a cranky, muttering, ankle-gnawing hermit, so I'll also be writing about whatever I damn well please (like dinosaurs in rocketships).  What's really important, though, is that now the blog comes with pretty pictures!

...Well, pictures, anyway.

To kick things off, I'll introduce myself a bit better, so you can all rest assured that you're in good [Cough] hands.  This is me.

This is a more accurate representation of me.

I'm a recent college graduate who still can't decide what I want to be when I grow up (IF I grow up, which seems increasingly unlikely).  My shelves are full of classic literature, comics, vinyl toys, and ridiculous hats.  I like good books and bad movies.  Like all right-thinking people, I love bacon.  I'm allergic to gluten, but I love cupcakes, pies, and cinnamon buns.

As you might have noticed, I also love toast, but I have a complex relationship with my toaster.  My toaster is possessed, you see.  It behaves itself well enough most of the time so I'll let my guard down, but I'm on to it.

On a not-entirely-unrelated note, I spend a great deal of time yelling at inanimate objects.  This is because I know that all of my household appliances are conspiring to make my life difficult.  It may sound paranoid, but look at the evidence in your own life.  It's a perfectly reasonable conclusion.

I also love plants.  I have two, with more on the way.  Generally speaking, I find houseplants to be more trustworthy than appliances, but the patch of sunlight they're currently sitting in is right next to a mini-fridge, and mini-fridges are notoriously charismatic.  I'm keeping tabs on the situation as best as I can.

I may or may not also give plants silly names like 'Jefferson Aeroplant'.

Enough about me, though.  There will be plenty of time to trod out my little quirks and Batman-themed clothing in later anecdotes, where they'll probably be absolutely necessary to explain myself.

If you're new to the blog and feel like browsing some archives, feel free, but be warned that you're entering a pictureless world of great sadness.  The only books dealt with up 'til now are the first two Twilight books--which, incidentally, I highly recommend NOT reading.  If a painstaking, chapter-by-chapter descent into madness is your thing, then archive on.  Otherwise, I recommend 'Lessons From the Shmeyerverse' for a brief, mocking foray into Twilight's content, or any of the Toast Patrol segments for a laugh.

Since illustrating posts (in lieu of getting tipsy and pulling them out of my bum) takes time, and I have to go to my job so I can live in an apartment and put bacon in my tummy, posts will be somewhat less frequent... but totally more PICTURE-RIFIC.  I think getting to use awesome suffixes is worth it.

In the meantime, read safely (I'm looking at you, aspiring speed-readers!), and make good literary decisions.  Don't make my mistakes.

Super Magical Book-Getting Card, Away!

Since graduating, I've realized my need to move beyond my own moderately-sized bookshelf, which is full of books I've read seven times, and my school library, which is full of little else but long-winded art history books written mostly in German.  As such, I've obtained a public library card.

This bodes well for the 'at least 51% literary' content.

Blog Puberty

Pardon me for not posting in a while. The blog is going through... changes.

There probably still won't be many posts for a bit, but in the meantime, the ol' blarg will start to look different and probably start going by a different name. The format will also be diff-- I mean, NEW AND EXHILARATING. Content will stay mostly literary in nature (for those of you willing to quote me on that later, I would like to point out that 51% still constitutes mostliness).

The frequency of future posts is, at this point, up in the air-- I need a new job, so the getting of said possible job, the hours, and the type of work will have a significant impact on both the amount of posting and the sanity of the author. The new stuff will also take longer to produce, but should be much more awesome in every way.

Keep an eye out, because I'll be back and postin' toasty soon enough. For now, however, I'm going to go back to sitting in front of the door and waiting for my Little Big Planet 2 Collector's Edition box to come in the mail.

... I did say only mostly literary, didn't I?