New Moon'd (Oh, puns... how I cling to you in these times of torment)

Well toasties, there's no more avoiding it. After finishing the Harry Potter series (again), I experienced an enormous sense of literary well-being, but it just couldn't last. I agreed to read the entire Twilight series, and read it I must.

So, here's how it's going to go down-- while I do feel a certain obligation to give you all the blow-by-blow happenings of Twilight & co (as per my reasons for reading the cursed things), blogging the first book one chapter at a time proved to be just a bit too wearying. Therefore, I'm going to be breaking down the 24 chapters of New Moon three at a time, so we'll really only have eight festering cow-pies--er, elk duds-- erm, diseased goat turds-- EHEM, chunks of the book, to plow through. That way, there's a bit less Twilight to foist on you good readers, and posts can stay fairly short and sweet (Did I say 'sweet'? I meant 'atrociously, pancreas-bendingly saccharine').

I'll still be attempting some degree of objectivity, but now that I've read the prologue, I won't make any promises I know I can't keep.

Also, from the little I understand, New Moon doesn't have a whole lot of Edward-time. If such is the case, there won't be much need for the Edward Smolder Meter, so I'll have to find some other of New Moon's oddities to measure. Feel free to make suggestions, such as 'How much Bella isn't good at life, as represented by this chapter group', or 'How much chapters 4-6 make the Great Grand Toasty One want to beat herself over the head with a 9-Iron while singing the Canadian National Anthem, in the hopes that someone will have her committed to a sanitarium far, far away from this awful book'.

Right then, my dear toasty-adventurers-- fetch your noseplugs and Floaties of Fortitude if you need them. It's nearly time to take the plunge into New Moon. May God have mercy on our sanity.