Toast Patrol 7: Return of the Revenge!

It's a toasty two-pack!

Forrest Gumption: Back in the lair of the tree-dwelling Robo-Pattinson…

Forrest Gumption: We all remember.

Pither: Oh, so THATS what he is in the light.

Forrest Gumption: He floats.

Pither: Sorry if this is lewd, but

Pither: what a bunch of horridly ugly people.

Forrest Gumption: This is the kind of thing his kind normally do in dark alleys or roadside rest areas.

Pither: Is he getting flagged?

Pither: In mid-float?

Pither: Was he floating without a permit?

imp.toast: I d'know...

imp.toast: It kind of just looks like he's being held back from going through with the worst scare attempt ever.

Forrest Gumption: This might be the most extreme game of two-hand touch ever.

Pither: "Does it hurt when i do this?"

Pither: "Is this where he hid the lamp?"

Pither: "Oh wow, it really is like a washboard."

Pither: "Don't push me there, I freeze in a weird hands in the air position."

Pither: "Aw jeez, and ya went and done it anyway."

imp.toast: One of my minor goals in life is now to find Rob Pattinson, grab his stomach, and see if he flails like that.

Pither: "Help, there's a girl on my back!"

Pither: "get it off get it off get it off"

imp.toast: That's not a girl, that's a disembodied pair of un-emotive eyebrows.

Pither: And a shoe.

imp.toast: Actually, the more I look, the more of a confusing mishmash of limbs this becomes.

Pither: "How'd you get up there?" "It was that Potter jerk. Thinks he's all high and mighty just because he's the name of a superior franchise."

imp.toast: "Now Rob, just because you died in that franchise..."

Pither: "NO, IT'S NOT OKAY"

imp.toast: "And you didn't get to take your shirt off..."

Pither: "I WAS GOING TO FIGHT RALPH FIENNES TOO"

imp.toast: "And I know they made you wash your hair, but really..."

Pither: "I hate being stuck up here like this. I'm so exposed to the ... the light..."

imp.toast: "Rob, you need to come down out of the tree. We won't make you bathe or act well, we promise."

Pither: (SHING SPARKLE SPARKLE)

imp.toast: "Rob, stop pretending to be a spatula. Your makeup is running."

Pither: "I want to look beautiful. What is more beautiful?"

imp.toast: Well... compared to this picture, pretty much anything.

Pither: "I have a pimple in my ear."

Pither: "You don't get to look at my hair anymore."

Forrest Gumption: So, explanations?

Forrest Gumption: They're about 20 mins into a Twilight series marathon.

Forrest Gumption: Bella is trying to look seductive.

Pither: "No, I said to stop after 5. Nine tacos is far too many, look at you now."

Forrest Gumption: Eddie Pee-Pants' hair is just off-screen.

Pither: C-c-c-c-cop a feel.

imp.toast: He thought that dropping acid would make the script make sense, but he was wrong...

Forrest Gumption: Newspaper title reads: "SMEYER to write buddy cop trilogy, 'Jacob and the Baby'."

Pither: "No, they're about to turn the fences back on..."

Forrest Gumption: I think they already have turned the fences on.

Forrest Gumption: He's remembering the last time.

Forrest Gumption: Because he looks like Tim.

imp.toast: He just found out he has to be there for the birthing scene in the last movie.

Pither: "(don't think about poop don't think about poop don't think abOUT POOOOOOooooop)"

Pither: "It's a cat... on a keyboard..... we're not in a space hotel room.. are we...?"

Pither: "OH NO"

imp.toast: He just watched his performance in The Last Airbender.

imp.toast: And so did they.

imp.toast: You can see the revulsion and pity on their faces.

Pither: He just got a coathanger rammed up his poop chute.

Pither: As I said before, I wish the guy in the back WAS M Shadows.

Pither: So he could push these sniveling rats off the screen into the abyss of evil and guns.

imp.toast: I think he's about to.

Forrest Gumption: They're looking into the abyss.

Forrest Gumption: And the evil gun-hole is looking back.

imp.toast: The other two are just handling it a lot better than Ralph McPukeface.

Pither: And the guy behind them is the master of ceremonies.

Pither: "Tonight is the night where you DIE AH HA HA HA HA HA ha ha!"

imp.toast: Now his life is flashing before his eyes, and he's not liking what he's seeing.

Pither: His past life is in fact rejecting itself and packing its bags and leaving for a better host.

imp.toast: That, or Edward peed on the carpet again.

Toast Patrol

Now, toasty-friends, it's time for a new segment on the blog that I've taken to calling 'Toast Patrol'. The Great and Toasty One (that's me!) finds pictures that are in need of a right and proper mocking, then gives it to them. In celebration of my surmounting the sixth chapter (and in keeping with the Twilightiness that this blog is mired in for the forseeable future) I've picked from one of the many, many worthy pictures that Twilight-dom has to offer. Also, joining me are my esteemed colleagues, Forrest Gumption and Pither. Right then, let the mockery commence! Twilight, ye shall not escape the watchful eye of the TOAST PATROL!

imp.toast: First off, what are the two on the left looking at that no one else sees?

Forrest Gumption: Edward Pattinson's gigantic hair.

Forrest Gumption: It's like a Japanese rubber suit monster.

Pither: A better franchise.

Pither: Off in the distance.

Forrest Gumption: The guy in the back is trying his hardest not to pee himself with that thing in the room.

imp.toast: Does thrusting your chest out help you not pee?

Forrest Gumption: Obviously.

Forrest Gumption: Chest out, pee in.

Forrest Gumption: Meanwhile it looks like Edward there IS peeing himself.

Forrest Gumption: Kristen Stewart is the proof.

imp.toast: She looks entirely too calm for that.

Forrest Gumption: Remember he's cold, so she thinks he spilled a soda or something.

Pither: He has a slimey little secret.

Forrest Gumption: The horror of undead urine hasn't settled in yet.

imp.toast: This picture makes me more uncomfortable by the second.

Forrest Gumption: Where are they btw? This looks like the inside of Cerebro.

Forrest Gumption: Are they mutants?

Forrest Gumption: I mean, yes they are. But in the movie I mean!

imp.toast: No, no... it's one of those backdrops for elementary school pictures.

Pither: photoshop>filter>render>clouds

Forrest Gumption: Now, I don't want to offend anybody, but can you tell me why a small group of special young adults would all be in kindergarten together?

Forrest Gumption: It might have something to do with Eddie Pee-Pants there up front.

imp.toast: Um... I said ELEMENTARY school.

imp.toast: They're first grade, at least.

Pither: So where is the twilight?

Forrest Gumption: In the night sky.

Pither: I only see dark clouds.

Forrest Gumption: Behind them.

Forrest Gumption: Clearly.

Pither: So they're in front of the premise?

Forrest Gumption: They're.......eclipsing it.

Forrest Gumption: Yes.

Pither: AH

Pither: It's a play on words.

Pither: That's so intellivision.