A First Post (or, Introductions and All That)

I'm not generally a 'by the book' sort of person, but it's come to my attention that most blogs and the like start with the obligatory first post that's full of first-y things like introductions, long-winded stories of how the blog came to be, why the blog is titled after someone's 23-year-old cat who likes tater tots, and so on. Since I can't think of a better way to start this blog-- and since it's my first experience blogging, I haven't read many blogs, and until very recently I had no interest in or excuse for blogging-- here's a story.

It all started when I was skimming facebook absentmindedly, as I often do in the evenings when I should be doing many other things. Oh, and I think it was a dark and stormy night. Probably should have said that at the beginning to hook you and whatnot. You do seem to still be reading, though, so I won't worry about it. Anyhoo, I came across a post by my dear friend ('Miss Impertinence' on blogspot) that both mocked and lamented the horrendous writing of the Twilight series. A bit of back story-- she, like me, is a firm believer in informed hatred, but unlike me, she's been exercising her belief by reading the first two Twilight books. Her evisceration of the books is quite delightful (check it out on her blog! ...and this is where I would post the link, if only I knew how), so several people commented that she should read the whole series and continue blogging the horrors she finds within it. She responded that the series had already caused her so much mental anguish that she'd rather not go on. Now, at this point in the story, I'm sprawled across my bed like an obese cat who's taken one too many tranquilizer darts in the bum, dressed all fancily in my stripy underpants, and I'm reading the back-and-forth on the post with one eye open and about three synapses firing (the summer heat affects me poorly). Essentially, all I can comprehend is that my friend could use some moral support, so I leave a comment. I leave a horrible, horrible comment... 'Tell you what. If you read them, I'll read them with you, and we can lose our minds together.'

So, guess what... she took me up on it. I now have to read the Twilight books. To be fair, I'm looking forward to being able to insult the series with the authority of someone who's actually read it, but I'm quite emphatically NOT looking forward to the journey. That's where the blog comes in-- I'll be posting a summary of every few chapters as I read. I figure it'll help me stay just this side of bonkers if I start to lose it-- I can scroll back through my posts and say, 'oh look, Chapter 1... I was still kind of sane then.' I also figure that, if I go through and summarize the books for those of you who've had the series explained to you six times and still have no idea what the hell is actually going on, you'll never have to read it. You can keep your sanity mostly intact.

And that's what the blog is all about now. I get myself into these situations often enough already, because I do believe in informed hatred, and because I'm curious. And because I'm a just a bit masochistic. I like a little pain-flavored cream cheese shmear on my bagel. So, if this kind of chizz is going to go down anyway, I might as well share what I learn. I'm going spelunking in the rabbithole, and I'll do my best to map it out for you with my shiny new 64-pack of crayons.

And so, in the words of just about every Cartoon Network show currently running, 'AAAAAAADVENTURE!!!'

... and that's when things usually start going poorly.