Chapters 19-21: Eurotrip

Alice and Bella hop a plane to Italy, and as flights to Italy tend to be long, we're treated to the better part of a chapter's worth of talk. Most of it involves the Volturi, and we learn that they basically function as the grand high enforcers of vamp-culture, with the only rule being to keep the existence of vampires a secret. Aside from exposition, the chapter is conveniently full of Alice's handy-dandy visions, so we get to keep tabs on Edward whether we like it or not. According to Alice, Edward is going to ask the Volturi to kill him, they're going to tell him no, and he's going to have to resort to Plan 9 from Outer Sp-- I mean, Plan B, which is to royally piss them off.

While Bella is whinging and being put upon, Alice says she thinks that everyone's being ridiculous, and she might just turn Bella vampy herself to get it over with. This works as the proverbial carrot in front of the utter ass that we all know as Bella, who brings renewed enthusiasm to the rescue effort. She and Alice get off the plane, then steal a Porsche and drive to what is essentially the Volturi Vatican City (called 'Volterra'-- oh, Shmeyer, you're just too clever for us).

Because nothing in Bella's life can go down without the most minor of inconveniences, a festival slows the mission down in Volterra. Last we've heard from Alice's visions, Edward is planning to walk out into the sun at noon, thus exposing the existence of vampires (or at the very least, body glitter) and invoking the wrath of the Volturi. Bella arrives in the main square a few minutes before noon, spots Edward across the crowd, and in what is presumably the climax of the book she arduously slogs her way through a bunch of people to stop him from getting himself killed. Suffice it to say, I don't think I can properly communicate how non-climatically the whole effort reads.

Bella stops Edward just in time (surprise, surprise), but not before he attracts the attention of two of the Volturi guard, who proceed to make trouble until one of the actual Volturi shows up and drags everyone off through some sewer tunnels to an undisclosed location.

They end up in the Volturi court, where they meet Aro, an extremely old--and rather twee--vampire who takes a particular interest in Bella. Through a brief series of tests, it turns out that Bella is not only immune to Edward's psychic 'gift', but also to the gifts of all other vampires, further reminding us that she's the MOST damned special person in the whole wide Shmeyerverse.

After Aro and the other Volturi elders confer, they decide that really the only problem is Bella, who knows about vampires and therefore must be disposed of or else become a vampire herself. Edward is still quite angsty and conflicted about the whole thing, but Alice convinces Aro that she intends to turn Bella eventually, and they're all allowed to go free after all. However, Aro advises them that the Volturi will be checking in at some point to ensure that the deed is done, OR ELSE.

Wait... was THAT supposed to be the climax? It's so hard to tell.

Anyway, as they're leaving, they pass an incoming 'tour group' of people for the Volturi to snack on, and Bella is wildly traumatized.

MATTERS OF PROBABLE IMPORTANCE:

1. If you live in the Shmeyerverse and you're motivated by love, grand theft auto has no consequences.

2. Actual, physical fights don't happen in the Shmeyerverse. Neither do climactic events.

BELLA'S TEAM: Edward.

OUR TEAM: Team Trampled by Tourists, Team Interpol, Team Tying Up Loose Ends, Team Free Scenic Tours of Volterra for People Named Bella... take your pick.