2. Hyperventilating is is the answer. Not only is it THE reasonable reaction to anything at all distressing, it also gets you what you want.
3. When the love of your teenaged life leaves you, walking through the forest becomes incredibly difficult.
4. Physics is an arbitrary concept and behaves as is situationally appropriate.
5. Months and chapters can be the same thing.
6. If you hear an attractive male voice in your head, don't worry--unless you're not willing to put yourself recklessly and repeatedly in harm's way so you can continue to hear it scold you.
7. The internet is magical and can give you answers based on little to no meaningful information, especially if your love interest is a wildly inaccurate perversion of a well-known mythical creature.
8. For the werewolves of the Shmeyerverse, there is no weird behavior that can't be excused with a proportionately stupid explanation.
9. While drowning, if you start seeing hallucinations of an attractive guy, you should keep drowning as long as possible.
10. If you live in the Shmeyerverse AND you're motivated by love, grand theft auto has no consequences.
11. When good things happen to you unexpectedly, immediately assume that you've died and gone to heaven until proven otherwise.
12. In the right context, a minor inconvenience can be the climax of a 400-page narrative.
13. Knowing a hot guy exists is enough reason to continue living.
14. Love conquers all respiratory problems.
15. Anything is possible if you just free yourself from tired old notions like 'consistency' and 'a plot'.
And most importantly:
16. Bella is really, REALLY freaking special. She is the center of the 'verse, after all.
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