We've finally found it-- the shortest chapter in the whole sodding book. That being said, it's not terribly informative, and it reads as if Shmeyer suddenly remembered she had a pint of ice cream waiting in the fridge and thus couldn't be bothered to properly tell us what happened in the mirror room.
CHAPTER SUMMARY-- The chapter kicks off with Bella assuring herself that she must be dead, because she hears an angel. The 'angel' turns out to be Edward--painfully obvious, since we're (unwillingly) in the Shmeyerverse, and thus Edward is the only being who could ever merit a word like 'angel', as he has so many times in this book already. Not only is the bit wildly unnecessary, it reads like the worst of pick-up lines. At any rate, as Bella comes to, she hears Edward flipping his sparkly lid as Mr. Dr. Cullen assesses her injuries-- a broken leg here, some cracked ribs there--and they finally notice she's been bitten on the hand. Bella whines about her burning boo-boo while Edward and Alice have a nice, angsty spat about what's to be done; Mr. Dr. Cullen interrupts and proposes that Edward try to suck the venom out, which sends Edward into a tizzy of angst and self-doubt. He wastes so much time commenting on his emotional tailspin that you can almost feel a noxious musical number about to happen, but he's yanked back into the thin line of the story by Mr. Dr. Cullen's insistence that he has to act quickly. Edward sucks it up (PUN) and sucks the the venom out of Bella's hand. The burning sensation recedes with it, and Bella passes out in Edward's arms.
NOTABLE NOTES--
1. Despite his importance leading into the chapter, James is entirely absent--it seems Shmeyer is so astoundingly unable to write a bit of action that she's unceremoniously stricken him from the story, in lieu of writing a coherent narrative. The only allusion to James' part in the whole messy business (presumably) is the passing mention of a faint gasoline smell.
INTENSITY OF EDWARD'S STARE-- In short, Edward sucks.
4 comments:
Oh vexed Imp,
Doesn't it frighten you that Dr Cullen is meant to be the best Doctor in Forks, but he says 'suck the venom out'? We've known that was a bad idea since the 60s. God help you if he oversees your treatment for, say, a black mamba bite: "Oh, this'll be fine, who wants a straw?"
It figures that Shmeyer wouldn't research venoms and the nature of how they spread through bodies anymore than she'd research the undead.
Yours in Chagrine,
Miss Impertinence
Now, in his defense, he has been studying medicine for quite a few centuries-- the citizenship of Forks should just be glad he's given up on leeches. That being said... a thousand bucks says he siphoned that gasoline out of the Volvo with a drinking straw.
Here's my question: Why did it have to be Edward with the drinking straw? You've got how many vampires in the mirror room, but Edward's the only one allowed to do the medically unsound venom sucking because he is...more likely to eat her? Was everyone else crossing their fingers or something? Was that why they weren't stepping in?
As best I can figure, all those questions can best be answered by the fact that Twilight happens in the Shmeyer-verse, a place where the better qualifications and composure of everyone else in the room--not to mention logic itself-- is solidly trumped by Twoo Wuv (and the fact that only so many bad things can happen to Bella before Edders saves the frikkin' day, oh bliss!).
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