Mmmmm... posty.

Happy Thanksgiving, toasties! The time has come to fill up on tasty foods, instead of terrible literature. In this sweet, sweet intermission between bouts of awfulness, I have a few announcements.

First off, I'm now a shiny new art school graduate. I somehow managed to scrape a BFA out of my rather convoluted and erratic college experience, and I'm prepared to bonk heads with it! That means you, Shmeyer-- God forbid you try any funny business with illustrations, because I have an official piece o' fancy paper that says I know things about that!

On a not entirely unrelated note--and you'll find out more about that later--I'm going to be changing the blog around a bit after this horrid long haul through New Moon is over. I'm completely blurding weary of trying to write anything clever after having my poor, shriveled psyche sucked dry by bad, butchered-mythical-creature romance novels. Not to worry though, an-Twi friends (heh, see what I did there)--I'll still be reading and subsequently mocking bad bookage. However, the literary scope is going to be widening a bit to accommodate a variety of debatably overrated literature, such as those classics we keep being told are oh-so-esoteric, and therefore great. It also won't be just commentary anymore... but that's a surprise.

Anyway, more to come on all that toward the end of New Moon. Assuming the damned book ends--there is a physical end, but we don't seem to be getting any closer to it--I'll be posting soon on all the impending changes, along with the possibility of a site move and a re-naming contest.

In the meantime, toast long and prosper!

... oh, and go eat some pie.

Return of the Toast Patrol!-- A Visual Companion

1. MUFASA-- In the movie The Lion King, Mufasa dies, then later shows up in the sky. In the picture featured in this Toast Patrol, the Cullens are also in the sky.

2. BEN KENOBI-- In the movie Star Wars: Episode IV, Ben Kenobi dies, then later shows up looking all hazy (and is more or less in the sky). In the picture featured in this Toast Patrol, the Cullens are also looking all hazy (and are in the sky).

3. A DRAGON VOICED BY SEAN CONNERY-- In the movie Dragonheart, the dragon character--voiced by Sean Connery-- dies, then later shows up as the constellation Draco... in the sky. In the picture featured in this Toast Patrol, guess where the Cullens are? I think you know.

4. FUNNY GAMES-- Funny Games is a surprisingly good, psychologically-driven film (foreign, but recently remade as an American film, which I understand is shot-for-shot and therefore, in my opinion, rather pointless) in which two friendly young men dressed in white tennis-y outfits show up at a family's vacation home and proceed to play torturous, homicidal, 'funny' games with them. Unfortunately, Mr. Gumption's comment was just a joke, and neither of these young men showed up at the Cullens' in the Twilight series.

5. M SHADOWS-- Is the lead singer of the band Avenged Sevenfold. Forrest Gumption is of the opinion that his voice makes him a good candidate to emcee a Saturday morning horror show.

6. ON THE EAST SIDE. IN A CASTLE. WITH SOME PIE.-- The theme song of the 70's-80's sitcom The Jeffersons begins thusly-- Well we're movin on up/To the east side/To a deluxe apartment in the sky/Movin on up/To the east side/We finally got a piece of the pie. The Toast Patrol collective is vaguely aware of this.

Return of the Toast Patrol!

Have you ever wondered what the Toast Patrol would be like with more obscure pop culture references and a quick decline into utter madness? Wonder no more, tastyfans!

Pither: The Cullens...and yet no Optimus...

Forrest Gumption: There's Edward, and Bella, and Mufasa, and Ben Kenobi.

Forrest Gumption: ... and a dragon voiced by Sean Connery.

toastbuster: It's funny.... I didn't realize it was the Cullens {SARCASM!}.

Pither: Y'know... none of them, NONE of them look like interesting or fun people.

Pither: They're all sad and pitiful looking.

Forrest Gumption: That man in the back looks like he wants to play some funny games.

toastbuster: Actually, yeah. He looks like the kind of guy who would show up to your house in little white tennis shorts and start killing people.

Pither: This picture is a fan-made thing right? Or is it supposed to be this dreadful looking?

Pither: The guy on the far right wishes he was M Shadows for some reason.

Forrest Gumption: I wish I was M Shadows.

Forrest Gumption: Then I could host a Saturday morning horror movie show.

toastbuster: In the sky?

Forrest Gumption: On the East side.

Forrest Gumption: In a castle.

Forrest Gumption: With some pie.

toastbuster: In the sky?

Pither: Sky pie, superior to floor pie.

toastbuster: I'm partial to pumpkin, myself.

Forrest Gumption: Ah, but go even deeper, and mud pies always win.

Pither: Not skittles.

Forrest Gumption: I......honestly don't even know how to take that statement.