Chapter Sixteen (which begins in the 1600's, and ends in despair)

So, remember how I said this chapter might be interesting? It was... for about half a page. See below for the (blessedly) abridged version.

CHAPTER SUMMARY-- The chapter begins with Edward telling Bella Mr. Dr. Cullen's backstory: the good Mr. Dr. was born in the 1600's, to an overzealous creature-hunting priest of a father. When his father pressed him into carrying on the business, the future Mr. Dr.'s compassion made him more discerning than his dad, who was a bit of an equal-opportunity prick. He eventually found a real coven of vamps, who in turn attacked him. To save himself from the rest of the hunting party, he hid himself for several days, until he discovered he'd turned vampy himself. Deeply distressed by his condition, he tried to kill himself and eventually tried to starve himself, until in his weakened state he attacked some deer and thereby discovered he could survive without killing humans. He integrated back into society and started studying constantly, finding his penance in the world of medicine. He stayed in Italy for a while with some nice, 'cultured' vampires, but they differed over food sources, so he left for the New World. There he grew rather lonely; during the Spanish influenza outbreak, he found Edward and decided to try to save him by turning him. And, of course, the chapter gets very Ed-centric from here on out. It seems Edward became rebellious at some point and left to try people-eating-- only bad people, he assures Bella-- but soon returned to Mr. Dr. Cullen (and now, Esme) and his 'vegetarian' lifestyle. Back to the present-- Edward trails off with his history lesson and tugs Bella through the house to his room, where he shows her his classy decorating and obscenely extensive music collection. While they're snuggling as usual, Alice pokes her head in and says there's a thunderstorm coming, so Emmett wants to play ball. She insists that Edward and Bella both come along, and that presumably brings us to the infamous vampire baseball chapter. Oh, joy.

NOTABLE NOTES--

1. To conceal himself from the rest of the vampire-hunting party after being attacked, Mr. Dr. Cullen apparently hid himself in a pile of rotting potatoes for three days. Really, Shmeyer? 1600's London didn't have any better hidey-holes?

2. Edward likes 50's music, hates music from the 60's and 70's, and calls the 80's 'tolerable'. Not only does this make me like him even less, it makes me wonder what he looked like when he was trying to blend in with the 'new wave' crowd.

3. According to the parameters laid out in #2, when asked whether he prefers the Beatles or the Rolling Stones, Edward's answer would be 'NO'. See? Now you hate him, too.

INTENSITY OF EDWARD'S STARE-- Second only to the intensity of his totally choice 'Flock of Seagulls' haircut.