Chapter Twenty (In which nothing interesting happens in a hotel room)

In reading back over previous posts, I'm realizing that my summaries are slowly growing more embittered and snarky. It seems Twilight is hastening my metamorphosis into my true form... in five years or less, I may very well be a disaffected and dry-humored British food critic.

CHAPTER SUMMARY-- Bella wakes up in a hotel room. She's confused (surprise!), but then remembers the ride to Phoenix. Alice comes in and tells Bella she ordered food for her, so they go into the front room where Jasper is watching TV. For some reason that isn't well-articulated, Bella asks her vamp babysitters what's wrong. Alice assures her that nothing is wrong, they're just waiting for Mr. Dr. Cullen to call with news, but Bella doesn't believe her and starts freaking out about not hearing from the others. Jasper uses his happy-hoodoo powers to calm her down yet again, prompting me to wonder why he hasn't just set himself to 'calm Bella down' mode for the last three chapters. Later in the afternoon, Bella tries and fails to take a nap, so she ends up talking to Alice about the mechanics of vampire transformation. Alice points out that Edward will be very angry if she tells Bella, but she shares the theory anyway-- it seems vampires are venomous, so if their incapacitated prey isn't killed, the venom spreads and turns the victim vampy. I find it amusing that she keeps saying they're unsure about the 'theory'--they know that's how it happens. It seems pretty straightforward. Anyway, Alice suddenly jumps up, saying something's changed. Jasper sits her back down and interrogates her; she describes a mysterious, long room with a wood floor and walls covered in mirrors, and a gold bar of some sort running across the mirrors (y'know, like a dance studio... EXACTLY like a dance studio). She says it's too dark to see where it is (maybe it's a DANCE STUDIO), but James is there, and somewhere in a dark room there's a VCR playing. Now, I can't speak for everyone, but in my mind, this sounds rather like a trap. However, Alice, Jasper, and Bella continue to be confused about the whole mess, but before their mystical musing can get much further, the phone rings and Mr. Dr. Cullen tells them what they already know about James not being not in the mystery room anymore (if that sentence confused you, God help you if you ever try to read this book). Edward gets on the phone to talk to Bella, and some pancreas-destroying saccharine dialogue is exchanged. After the phone call, the hotel group goes back to being bored and sitting around. Alice starts sketching out the room from her vision, and ultimately it takes Bella to identify it as a dance studio. I'm not sure if I've properly communicated how dumb Alice and Jasper have seemed in this chapter, but it's a testament to Shmeyer's writing and the absolute damp-sock-ishness of Bella's character that, to have Bella do or say anything intelligent, everyone else in the scene has to behave in a staggeringly stupid manner. At any rate, Bella says the studio looks like the one where she took ballet lessons as a child (yet no humorous, accident-laden flashback-- suppressing some memories there, Shmeyer?). The studio is only a few blocks from her mother's place, and suddenly everyone realizes that this is a potential problem. Bella calls her mom's house and leaves a voicemail, begging her to call back as soon as she gets the message. Then, the excitement is over, and they all go back to sitting around the hotel room.

NOTABLE NOTES--

1. Bella wakes up at 3 AM, then spends the rest of the chapter complaining about what a long day it is.

INTENSITY OF EDWARD'S STARE-- Ed's only appearance in this chapter is over the phone, so we can only assume that his eyes glisten with the smarm of 1000 Kodak moments.