Chapter Seven (in which conclusions aren't really reached)

Here it is, boys and girls-- the chapter in which Bella finally doesn't quite figure out whether Edward's a vampire. She finds plenty of research to back it up, but a sack o' self-loathing like Bella isn't going to jump to any conclusions without second, third, and twelfth-guessing herself, so we probably won't find out the truth about the Cullens for a while yet. I, for one, am on the edge of my seat.

CHAPTER SUMMARY-- The chapter starts off with another of Bella's dreams, in which Jacob is a werewolf, Edward is a vampire, and Mike is... well, just kind of there. Once she wakes up, Bella is too distracted to go back to sleep, so she looks up vampires on the internet. [SIDE NOTE-- In all fairness to Ms. Meyer, this bit indicates that she probably visited at least one vampiric lore site, but she spends a bit too long proving it to us.] Bella finds most of the criteria she needs to prove that the Cullens are vampires, but since she doesn't find a credible source that specifically reads 'The Cullens are vampires', she becomes frustrated and embarrassed, then heads out into the woods for some Bella time. She parks her rump on a fallen tree and weighs all the options for an ungodly long time, eventually deciding that (a) Edward may or may not be a vampire, but he is somehow more than human, and (b) even though it would be safer to avoid him if he is a vampire, she's in two or three conversations too deep to stay away. When she gets to school the next day, Edward and company aren't there, so Bella spends the day in such misery that she ends up agreeing to go dress shopping with Jessica, Angela, and Lauren, despite the fact that she and Lauren have at this point developed some sort of girly reason to dislike each other with an intensity rivaling Edward's stare. At some point it gets sunny out, Bella gets some vitamin D, and dinner happens.

NOTABLE NOTES--

1. While Bella is waiting for her internet to crank up, she gets a bowl of cereal. Hear that, self-conscious girls who skip breakfast? If an emotional wreck like Bella can handle the most important meal of the day, you can, too.

2. Bella has to write a Macbeth essay, and she decides to focus on whether Shakespeare's treatment of women is misogynistic. Given the overall number of complaints the series receives about Bella's mistreatment at the hands of her gentlemen callers, this is almost as funny as the Wuthering Heights bit.

3. Bella still hates plants.

INTENSITY OF EDWARD'S STARE-- Once again, we have a chapter with no Edward. He continues to smolder from afar.